Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

Have you heard this expression before? 

Actually, I've always heard it stated as more of a math problem/curse.  "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride."  

Or...       (Bridesmaid x 3) = Lifetime of Loneliness    Be sure to show your work.


Not too concerned about mathematical curses (though, to an English major, that phrase seems redundant), I willingly served as a bridesmaid for an aunt, my "big" sister-in-law, my best friend from high school, and my college roommate.

Should I have refused two of those bridesmaiding gigs?  Have I condemned myself to the single life?

Curses aside, what does it say about our society that we treat bridesmaids as "also-rans"?  Was this a contest to see who could marry first, and these girls just didn't cut it?  On the Olympic podium of marriage, did the bridesmaids have to settle for silver and gold in the form of questionable dresses and matching rhinestone jewelry?

Hollywood seems to think so.  Practically every movie that features bridesmaids portrays them as jealous, back-stabbing girls who are out to ruin the wedding, take down fellow bridesmaids, steal the groom or steal the bride's thunder.  My Best Friend's Wedding.  Bridesmaids.  27 Dresses.  

     

  

Poor Katherine Heigl.  It's too bad she formed twenty-seven close friendships.  If only she'd had the foresight to cut herself off at two, she just might have gotten herself a man.

"Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride."  Who comes up with this stuff??

Well... Listerine.

Yep, in 1925, the mouthwash manufacturer was looking for a new way to advertise its product and decided to focus in on the devastating effects of halitosis (bad breath, in case you didn't know).  Here's the ad:

The copy reads, 

"Edna's case was really a pathetic one.  Like every woman, her primary ambition was to marry.  Most of the girls of her set were married--or about to be.  Yet not one possessed more grace or loveliness than she.

"And as her birthdays crept gradually toward that tragic thirty-mark, marriage seemed farther from her life than ever.

"She was often a bridesmaid but never a bride.

"That's the insidious thing about halitosis (unpleasant breath).  You, yourself, rarely know when you have it.  And even your closest friends won't tell you."

I must say, I feel much better.  It turns out I haven't been cursed by bridal math; instead, I just might have completely inconsiderate friends who haven't told me that my horrid breath is repelling men left and right, in spite of my grace and loveliness.  Well, okay, then.  

Maybe it's because it has never been my "primary ambition to marry," but I was delighted to be asked to stand up with those four women on one of the biggest moments of their lives.  My "ambition" was to celebrate the day with them and their loved ones and maybe dance the Funky Chicken.  I'm glad I did, in spite of the risk I took of being cursed.

And if it turns out the curse is real, at least there is a cure.  According to superstition, I can break the curse by going on to be a bridesmaid for a total of seven times.  That's right, brides-to-be!  That means I'm available for three more bridesmaiding gigs.  I can even provide my own matching rhinestone jewelry.

But first I think I'll try a breath mint.