Thursday, November 6, 2014

Morning Reflections on Marriage

I've thought of another reason to get married.  

Most mornings, when I first sit up in bed, I'm greeted by my reflection in the large mirror on the dresser at the foot of my bed.  And my first impression of myself is that of a blurry Medusa.  Blurry because, without my contacts or glasses, I'm as blind as the proverbial bat (though not, as I read recently, as actual bats).  And Medusa because, left to its own devices overnight, my naturally curly hair becomes a snarled mess of snake-like curls.

However, yesterday morning, my first-thing-in-the-morning reflection was more frightening than usual.  I have a lamp on my dresser that is set (via timer) to turn on a few minutes before my alarm clock goes off, in order to ease me closer to consciousness.  With the recent end of Daylight Saving Time, the timer was all messed up, and the night before, I had pulled one corner of the dresser out from the wall in order to reach and reset the timer.  I left the dresser askew because A) it is heavy, B) I was tired, and C) if the timer was still inaccurate, I didn't want to have to move the dresser again.  

Therefore, yesterday when I awoke and sat up in bed, I was greeted with the reflection of...nothing.  The dresser was at a slightly different angle, and the mirror showed me only the empty half of my bed.  Naturally, being an intelligent and well-educated person, I concluded---for one sleep-addled moment, at least---that I had been turned into a vampire.

Now, I don't anticipate this being a regular problem, but do you see how easily this could have been solved?  The solution, clearly, is marriage.

If I were married, this never would have happened, for one of three reasons:  

1) Being the considerate husband that he is, he would have replaced the heavy dresser for me, thus restoring the usual angle of the reflection.  

2) The mirror would have shown him in the other half of the bed, which, I'm assuming, is the main advantage to having a husband in your bed.  (Right?)  

3) If he were already up and about in the house, he would have reassured me of my non-vampiric status and restricted my chocolate intake before bed as a guard against future flights of fancy.

So, really, it's a simple solution.


No comments:

Post a Comment