The Single's Guide to Life: How to Hang a Picture

As promised in the first entry of this blog, here is the single's guide to addressing one of life's little annoyances.  

One of the most annoying things I know about being single is the inability to be in two places at the same time.  So when it comes time to do a little home decorating, there's no one to hand me tools or stand back and tell me if a picture is crooked.  And who's got time to wait for someone to come over and help?  Therefore, I've contrived--and successfully used--the following method. 
 
Before we begin, I am sure there are much more technically accurate ways to do this.  They probably involve fancy tools such as stud finders.  (But, hey, if those worked, I wouldn't be hanging pictures alone! *insert rimshot here*)  However, this method requires only items that can be easily found in most homes.


Gather the following tools:

     a tall piece of furniture
     several hardback books
     nails
     hammer
     pencil
     eraser
     optional:  level or level app on smartphone
                      digital camera or camera app on cell phone
                      cat treats, toys, or cage


1.  Put a piece of sturdy furniture (a table, bookcase, dresser, cabinet, etc.) under the spot on the wall you've selected.  The taller, the better, but make sure the item is not tall enough to cover your targeted area.

2.  Remove cat from top of furniture.

3.  Place the picture you are hanging on the top of the furniture.

4.  Add stacks of hardback books, using the books to inch the picture up to where you think you'd like it.  If you're not the bibliophile I am and don't have hundreds of books at your disposal, you might try DVDs, CDs, board games, soup cans, etc..

5.  Step back and visualize the books and furniture gone---try the ol' close-one-eye-and-cover-the-object-with-your-thumb trick.  Is the picture where you want it?  Adjust the stack as needed.

6.  When you've got it where you want it, trace the top and sides of the frame lightly with a pencil.

7.  Remove the picture from the stack.

8.  Wait 5 seconds.

9.  Remove the cat from the stack.

10.  Measure the distance from the top and sides of the frame to the place that the nails will catch---the inside edge of the frame, the hooks, etc.

11.  Measure that same distance from the pencil lines on the wall, and draw light marks where the nails should go.  If the hooks aren't exactly centered, remember to reverse left and right as needed (i.e., you measured seven inches from the left side while looking at the back of the picture; now measure seven inches from the right side while looking at the front of the wall).  

12.  Pound in your nails on the marks.

13.  Test-hang the picture.  Step back and check it.  Repeat steps 3 through 13 as needed.

14.  Once satisfied, erase the pencil marks, and hang your picture for real. 

15.  Remove the cat from the stack of books, return the books and furniture to their rightful places, and reward self (and cat?) for a job well done.


Additional tips:

---Use a level to make sure picture is hanging correctly.  Alternately, use an app on your smartphone (such as Bubble for Android smartphones).  Caution:  Before using this method, it is best to decide, should things go badly, which object you will save as it falls:  the picture or the smartphone.  It's the Sophie's Choice of wall hangings.

---If you can't decide between two different positions for the picture, set up each option with the stacks of books, and snap a digital photo.  This lets you consider both options quickly and without pausing to reset the books.

---If you find yourself repeating steps 2 and 9 too frequently, distract the cat with kitty treats or a favorite toy.  Or temporarily lock him in his traveling cage or carrier.  His plaintive cries are really his feline encouragement of your home decorating endeavors.   



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