Though we singletons are frequently portrayed in television, movies, literature and popular media/culture, the portrayal is rarely accurate. Upon occasion, however, we encounter the rare portrayal of singles that has, at the very least, a kernel of truth. Of course, these examples won't speak to everyone. Singles are, by definition, unique, one of a kind. Not every portrayal of singlehood will speak to every singleton. And none of these examples completely capture my own experience with singlehood. But I can relate.
Today's example comes to us from the film Bridget Jones's Diary.
The title character Bridget Jones is the classic single heroine: a thirty-something career woman struggling to find success at work as well as in love. Bridget's world includes her mother who tries to fix her up with available men and offers helpful dating advice ("You'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you wandered out of Auschwitz."), a pack of single friends who have no more answers than Bridget does, and a smattering of relatives and married friends who helpfully pester Bridget about her lack of a love life.
Also, of course, are the potential love interests. Bridget has two: the caddish Daniel Cleaver who just happens to be Bridget's boss, and the prickly and slightly mysterious Mark Darcy.
By the way, this entry could just as easily have been called "Spinsters in Literature: Bridget Jones's Diary" because of the best-selling novel by Helen Fielding that was the basis for the film. However, the film has one distinct advantage over the book: Colin Firth. A big advantage.
Here is the Academy Award-winning actor as Mark Darcy, gazing at the woman he loves.
He does that so well. For more evidence, see this scene from the BBC's Pride and Prejudice.
Let's see. . . what was I talking about again?
Ah, yes! Bridget Jones. After a disastrous first meeting with Mark, embarrassed Bridget decides to make a change: "That was the moment. I suddenly realized that unless something changed soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine, and I'd finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs." She launches her diary project, determined to truthfully record her adventures and efforts to take control of her life and find "a sensible boyfriend to go out with."
Throughout the year, Bridget makes tons of mistakes, puts herself into many embarrassing situations, and endears herself to her readers/viewers. We love Bridget in spite of her many mistakes. Or perhaps because of them. She makes us feel better about our own mistakes, for surely none of our lives are as messed up as Bridget's.
There are several moments in Bridget's life that resonate with me, but here are two in particular.
First, the dinner party. Bridget is invited to a dinner party with a crowd of "smug married couples." As soon as Bridget arrives, the helpful pestering begins: "How's your love life?" "You really ought to hurry up . . . time's a-running out. Tick tock." and, finally, "Why is it there are so many unmarried women in their 30s these days, Bridget?"
The entire room goes silent as everyone looks at Bridget, waiting for her answer.
Bridget tries to laugh it off: "I don't know. Suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales." No one gets the joke, and conversation awkwardly resumes.
As Bridget demonstrates, singles don't want to analyze why they are single, especially with a crowd of married people at a dinner party. How can that conversation possibly go well?
I once had an older, married neighbor who, on several occasions, asked me if I was married. When I repeatedly told her I wasn't, she always replied, "Oh, but you're so pretty!"
Um....thanks? Sorry?
She seemed to be saying that I must be really messed up in order to still be single in spite of the fact that I wasn't burdened with a third eye or something. Yeah, this isn't something I want to discuss with a random neighbor as I carry my trash down to the dumpster.
In fact, I'd rather not discuss it at all. Come on, world! You don't ask married people why they are married, do you? Or, as Bridget puts it in Fielding's novel, "Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, 'How's your marriage going? Still having sex?'" It's rude and none of your business. So please don't put singles in the position of defending their singleness.
The second moment in Bridget's life that speaks to me---and the one that makes me cheer her on---is when she decides that she's not going to settle.
When the cad Daniel returns to try to win Bridget back, he tells Bridget, "We belong together, Jones...If I can't make it with you, I can't make it with anyone."
Bridget ponders this for a while, and then tells Daniel, "That's not a good enough offer for me. I'm not willing to gamble my whole life on someone who's, well, not quite sure. It's like you said: I'm still looking for something more extraordinary than that."
Good for you, Miss Jones.
Unwilling to settle for Mr. May-Be-Right in the present, Bridget walks away to wait for Mr. Absolutely Right to arrive some day in the future.
As it turns out, she doesn't have to wait long. Misunderstandings are cleared up, people come to their senses, and soon, Bridget is happily in love with Mr. Mark Darcy. The one who never lied to her, who never tried to change her, and who told her he liked her "just as you are."
Now that's worth waiting for.
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